Partner Power: Supporting Mum, Baby and Yourself During The Early Weeks

This blog is here to shine a light on the role of a partner in those early days and weeks following the arrival of your baby, and how to navigate them with confidence.

If you’re stepping into that supportive role because there’s no partner present, there’s plenty here to help you look after mum, and take care of your own wellbeing too.

Maybe you’re:

-          Adjusting to the new arrival of your little one(s)

-          Getting to know your baby

-          Supporting mum

-          Adjusting to being a parent

All the while trying to hold everything together. This blog aims to give you some support and guidance as a partner and will hopefully help you realise that once you both find your rhythm, you’ll embrace your role as partner, parent and chief supporter with confidence!

Feeling Like a Third Wheel?

Partners can sometimes feel like they’re left on the sideline – perhaps you don’t really know how to be part of the feeding journey, visitors are flooding through, and you’ve barely had a chance to catch your breath since the birth.

These are all common feelings to have. If your partner is breastfeeding, these feelings can often feel heightened. Breastfeeding during the fourth trimester can be intense:

-          Baby will be feeding frequently

-          Mum is working hard to establish feeding

-          Skin-to-skin and close connection is important

It can feel difficult to know what to do when it feels like every time baby is unsettled, feeding or putting baby to the breast may seem like the answer.

If you haven’t already, start by understanding breastfeeding in the fourth trimester, you can:

-          Read my blog about it

-          Contact me and I can talk to you about it

-         Research breastfeeding and the fourth trimester

Knowledge is power, and the more you understand about breastfeeding, the more you can support your partner through this period and get involved in key moments that support their feeding journey.

Bonding With Baby Between Feeds

There will be moments between feeds where partners can play an invaluable role. After a feed, you could:

-          Wind your baby and keep them upright

-          Change their nappy

-          Enjoy some skin-to-skin time with them

-          Take your baby out in a sling whilst mum rests so you can spend some time together while baby is feeling close and safe.

Find that special activity for you and your baby

Finding something that you do with your baby regularly, could be that special ‘thing’ that you do together that builds your bond, your confidence, and supports your partner. It could be anything from:

-          Giving them their evening bath

-          Taking your baby out in the pram or carrier after the morning feed on weekends

-          Reading together

It’s just as important for you to build that connection with your baby. Don’t forget, mum is probably going to be exhausted so taking the baby whilst she rests will be so helpful for her physical recovery and emotional wellbeing.

These moments aren’t just about offering practical help for mum, it’s also about building your connection with your baby, boosting your confidence as a parent, whilst supporting your partner.

Be The Gatekeeper!

Once you arrive home, visitors can come thick and fast! It’s always good to have a conversation together, and discuss:

-          How many visitors you want round and when

-          Who you want round

-          Perhaps most importantly - whether you want visitors round at all.

This is your family’s time to adjust, rest and recover.

It might be that you feel like visitors just aren’t the right thing to have now. Communicating with your partner at this time will be imperative, she may not feel comfortable cancelling visitors who are already scheduled, so this is your time to rise to the occasion and be the spokesperson your partner needs you to be. Protecting your family bubble is more important right now than protecting someone’s feelings.

If you do welcome visitors, set some boundaries. For example, it can be a good idea to let visitors know how mum has chosen to feed - whether that’s breastfeeding or formula feeding - and to support her feeding choices, not question or challenge them. We should be empowering mums!

Explain that the baby will probably need feeding during the visit and that they should be given back to mum when they show feeding cues. Of course, visitors can always help with winding, nappy changing, and tea making!

There may be certain things that mum doesn’t want to talk about right now, such as the birth, or her recovery, and that’s fine. Having that conversation with each other before visitors arrive can help.

And remember, every time you have these conversations, you two are building your understanding and compassion for each other, working as a team, which is so important during this period.

Encouraging Rest and Recovery

Many mums feel the pressure to bounce straight back. Be that person who encourages mum to rest, recover from her birth, and spend time sat in front of the TV letting the rest of the world go by.

You can help by:

- Taking care of the laundry

- Taking care of household tasks

- Providing food and drink when she needs it

- Taking control of entertaining siblings if you have them

It doesn’t have to all fall on your shoulders - I understand that you may also have other children who need attention or you’re working and you can’t be at home the whole time. Which is why I will always encourage you to ‘Ask for help!’ There is no shame in this.

If you’re back at work, perhaps a trusted friend, family member or postnatal doula could step in to support mum.

If mum wants to spend some time with her other children, asking someone to help mind the baby while she does this, could put her mind at ease. And remember, we’re not expecting mum to be running round the park kicking a football. This period could be working out ways to engage with siblings through other less strenuous activities, such as craft, reading, or playing a jigsaw, whilst mum recovers.

You can also plan ways to include siblings during feeding times. Babies feed often in the early days, so having a go-to activity—like sticker books or a story—can make siblings feel involved rather than pushed aside.

Keep an eye on mum’s mental wellbeing

Being aware of changes in your partners emotional and mental state can really support her as she adjusts to her new role. This is a huge period of change and with that, often comes societal pressure to be fine all the time. This is unrealistic.

Often, a chat with someone who can support your partner through this transitional period, and encourage ways to look after her emotional wellbeing, can be all she needs to help her through the rollercoaster of the early days.

However, if it’s been a couple of weeks following the birth, and if you’re concerned about your partner’s mental health and feel she just isn’t her normal self, I’d encourage you to get in touch with a health professional or trusted charity such as PANDAs where information about different types of mental illness is explained, and further support is offered.

Keeping an eye on your own mental wellbeing

You might have noticed changes in yourself recently - feeling anxious, irritable or low even, so it’s important to validate your feelings, and get support for them. Please take the guidance above and contact a health professional or a trusted charity such as PANDAs.

I’m also here if you need me. If you or your partner are feeling overwhelmed right now, please get in touch. I can support you with a much-needed chat where you can share how you’re feeling. I’m not a healthcare professional but can provide guidance on where to get further help for your mental wellbeing if you need it. You’re not on your own.

Spending time together

I’m not suggesting huge nights out, but small pockets of time, when you can both sit together, talk, watch a film, get a takeaway, and focus on yourselves, bringing back a sense of normality. It’s easy to lose yourselves during the early stages of parenting - believe me I know - but honestly, it’s so important to make time for each other. It doesn’t have to be much, but a little goes a long way.

Communicating

I’ve mentioned communication throughout this blog because it’s at the heart of everything you do as parents. Keep talking to each other about the highs, lows, and everything in-between. Respect each other’s feelings and understand that this is a period of change for both of you, for so many reasons. The more you talk and truly understand one another, the stronger your partnership becomes.

Together, you’ll navigate parenting as a united team, always putting each other’s wellbeing first.

Support from a postnatal doula

Remember, I’m here to help, so please get in touch. If you and your partner would like support—whether that’s finding ways to navigate those early days and months, understanding your baby’s behaviour, or simply having someone to talk things through with—I am here for you.

As a postnatal doula, I offer practical help, feeding support, and emotional guidance for the whole family during this transition. You’re not on your own.